Over the past few months, during the h*ll we like to call “winter”, I started watching Top Gear, the worlds greatest car show, shot and produced by the BBC in the UK. The format is simple. Three hosts, Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond review cars, go on wild and crazy adventures, do ridiculous challenges, driving vehicles all over the world and poking fun at fat Americans. It’s the most fun anyone could have being insulted by smug British cocks (said with the utmost love and admiration of course). It’s funny, it’s well produced and features some of the most cool cars on the planet.

In a recent episode, James May reviewed the Honda Clarity, one of the first truly sustainable answers in green automobile technology. It was a great segment about the Honda FCX Clarity. A hydrogen fuel cell that is powered solely on one of the most abundant gases in the universe. I agree with that kind of thinking. I can’t say I would buy one, I’m not really a Honda man myself, but I am a f*cking g33k, so I know when the Japanese get behind something, the technology is almost always solid. Of course, who knows what happens when two hydrogen powered cars slam into each other at 50 mph, but we’ll save that discussion for another day.

Some day, when electric cars are still a novelty, when green moves from being a fad to an everyday thing, I will buy a Hydrogen powered car that will allow me to get from point A to point B, just like I would in a gas powered vehicle. Of course, I’m not holding my breath. We do have a long way to go, but Honda has given us a reason to hope. A powerful car that runs on an abundant fuel, that emits only water vapor. Now that, as they say across the pond, is f*cking brilliant!

Every once in a while though, something comes along that just needs, rather calls out, like a wailing animal in the night, to be written, or rather, vented about, in popular culture. Today, I have decided to bring this blog out of semi-retirement to talk about one thing… the “dark” Knight. No, not the fantastically awesome (in my humble opinion) latest installment of the Batman Begins franchise. That’s a post for another time. No, I’m talking about one of the worst TV shows to come along since… since… well, I can’t think of any off the top of my head that were worse. I’m talking about the new Knight Rider TV show. This show is so bad, I felt COMPELLED to let someone, anyone who might be willing to listen, know about this travesty of modern day television. It blows. It blows bigtime. It blows harder than any blonde, skinny, skinned-knee diva with a chiwawa in her purse could ever hope to. It blows so bad, I thought I was not only getting dumber while watching it, but getting super aids AND super cancer to boot.

Now, last tv season, we were “treated” to a 2 hour event/tv movie/”backdoor pilot”, whatever the f*ck you want to call it, that actually wasn’t too horrible. I mean, it was a big stinker, don’t get me wrong. It was cheesy, unreal and blatantly corny. BUT, at least that pilot wasn’t as stupid as the show is now. At least in the pilot, the writers tried to stay within the realm of giant car commercial with aspirations toward being a real TV show. They kept the unbelievable within the realm of “stupidly possible”, with technology that rivaled the unbelievable-but-could-be-kind-of-cool… and, at least, AT LEAST, the car was black, shiney and pretty kicka$$. At least. However, in this new TV show version, we’ve been treated to a smorgasbord of bad jokes, bad acting, unbelievably stupid “innovations” and some really, really blatant product placement. I mean, the car turns into a truck. A TRUCK! Apparently in the new Knight Rider universe, you can actually add size and mass out of some hidden a$$ dimension or other. Why isn’t this new car just a transformer? Seriously, who needs Michael Knight? Just turn the d*mn thing into a walking, talking robot that fights crime and call it good. What will this car turn into in future episodes? Whatever the latest Ford product is that needs a sales boost. What happens when a car company dictates the direction of your TV show kids? Knight Rider 2008.

In the new show, the reluctant hero guy, son of Michael Knight himself, is supposed to be a sh*t-kicking, green beret/army ranger type, who apparently survived a tour in Iraq, gets all the chicks and is safely edgy enough for prime time audiences. He also has the personality of a store front mannequin. “The Hoff”, while cheesy and over-the-top, at least looked like he gave a sh*t. As far as the acting in THIS show goes, it’s obvious that no one gives a flying fungus. Seriously, the only two redeeming actors involved in this travesty are Val Kilmer’s voice (apparently it has it’s own career) and that guy Bruce Davison, who played the misguided senator from the first X-Men movie. Even then, these two (and everyone else on the show) are stuck within a framework of writing that is so bad, I almost want to complain to PETA that NBC has script writing monkeys locked away somewhere against their will. There is no way, NO WAY, that this show will last a full season… but don’t quote me on that. Better, more charismatic shows (Firefly for example) have been cancelled. Crazier things have happened.

Don’t get me wrong, I hate being this negative. I enjoy cheesy, futuristic cars-what-can-talk as much as any other g33k out there. But there are so many things that are bad about the new Knight Rider, I don’t think my short term memory could hold all of that information. I definitely wouldn’t want to waste the space in my long term memory either. I’d rather leave it up to people who get paid to watch brain cancer inducing shows and write about them. For instance, you can follow this link to an article that feels pretty much the same way I do. Since J.J. Abrams is helping resurrect other, more worthy, sci-fi franchises, unbelievably (and I can’t believe I’m writing this), “The Hoff” may be the only one who might be able to add a little bit of life to this “I’d rather have a pine cone shoved up my a$$” experience. See NBC… SEE what kinds of ridiculous things you’ve made me write here. It’s a new low, courtesy of a f*cking g33k. At least I have LOST and HEROES to look forward to.

Happy television watching and be careful this new season. It’s a little stinky out there.

This particular article is posted by Peter Dille, Senior Vice President, Marketing & PLAYSTATION Network. It’s a good example of Sony relying on a blog to connect and communicate with the community that’s sprung up around their PS products. They use a blog as a way to communicate game info, product updates, new PS3 prices (ie. goods & services) AND the direction/thinking behind the latest campaign. Like I said, “duh”. Everyone knows that companies should be, and are, doing this. But for some reason, I was just pleased to be able to find the info I was looking for, right on the company blog instead of Google searching some other source, which would take me precious gaming time to find. That is what we call in the ad biz, a positive brand impression. Say it all together now boys and girls “POSITIVE BRAND IMPRESSION”. Ah, gotta love the ad speak.

So if you have some time to kill, want to see some well produced TV spots and find out a little more on the PS3 new releases and updates, check it out. Good stuff, Maynard!

So, there’s a new game just released on PS3; High stakes poker on the Vegas strip. You download it from the network for about $10 bones and, I’m glad to say, it’s actually not a bad game. Online play is interesting, graphics are good, it helps with the high def of course. While I’m admittedly no poker officiando, it’s enjoyable and a good way to practice for when you’re standing over the shoulder of someone who REALLY knows how to play and saying fun phrases like “Flop”, “Turn” and the “River”, all the while sideline quarterbacking. “Ooh, he really f’ed up on that one. I would have blah, blah, blah”.

So, I’m playing online right now and I’m totally getting my *ss handed to me as I type this. However, I’m having fun, and that’s the point, right? My Bluetooth headset is squawking in my ear with the sounds of other players drinking shots of who knows what god-awful concoction, and muttering things like “Dolly Parton shore is purty”. Excuse me?!

Interestingly enough, the dealer looks a lot like Scarlet Johanssen, a fact that any f*cking33k can appreciate. If you’re going to model a dealer to look anyone, it might as well be Scarlet J. The only problem is, I can’t wink across the table and randomly throw tips at her in a futile attempt to get some attention, in an “Aw, I feel sorry for him” kinda way.

So, I just pulled two kings. My online cheat sheet is telling me that statistically, it’s one of the better Texas Hold’em hands. Nevertheless, I’ll still probably get kicked in the teeth on this hand. Oh, but wait, there are some crappy cards on the flop. Another 4! Wow, there are two 4′s on the table. A trickle of sweat runs down my furrowed, yet hopeful brow… oh wait, it’s just water from my failed attempt to slug some water while lying here on the couch.

Another nice thing about this game is, if you don’t have much experience at Texas Hold-em, you can use your laptop to look up advice on the best and worst hands to lead with. Is that cheating? No? Yes, pathetically enough, I just answered my own question with another question.

Maybe I can pull this out yet. Here comes the river… a 2. Sh*t, that doesn’t help me. Okay, down to the final two players. “URMAMA” and little old moi. I check… he checks… BAM, I win with two pair and an ace high. I think I’m beginning to like this game more and more. At least I don’t have play with real money. That would definitely take all of the fun out of it.

The real thing about these David Troy creations that makes them really potentially fun and interesting is not the technology. It’s the potential for liquid consumptive interactive entertainment. A few examples of this concept:

Consumptive Country of Origin

1. In the Classic view, zoom into the map about two or three notches of the ladder from the closest view. As messages come up, the world spins. Drink.

2. The winner is the first to blurt out the name of the country from which the post originated. The fun part, seeing the names of cities is not always the easiest way to do it. Seeing Chinese, English and Spanish letters and spellings doesn’t always tell you what country it is. The clues come in all shapes and sizes and are not up very long. Drink.

3. Try to have an informed geography person there to moderate the proceedings. If no moderator… drink. Move on to the next one.

Future Tweet & Swig

1. Get to the 3D view of Twittervision and let it run for a little bit. This is a good time to drink while it warms up.

2. Have a referee yell “Start” or “Go” or some such thing to indicate a beginning.

3. Call out the name of the next country where the next post will originate. If you’re wrong, *drink baby.

4. If you get it right, give a swig to another player.

*Warning: This game has the potential to mess you up quickly. Light beer or wine coolers are highly recommended.

Post Apocalypse

1. Have a computer set to view Twittervision 3D, preferably via HDMI on a 30″+ screen.

2. Instruct everyone in the room to post via phone or laptop, a somewhat relevant post, all at the same time.

3. Take a swig every time a post is not one of the people in the room.

4. Find a comfortable place to pass out.

Draw me a Pitcher

1. Guess the subject and/or origin of the next Flickrvision post.

2. Yell something unintelligent and then take a swig when you get it wrong.

See how fun that can be. Of course, you’ll have to adapt your game to fit the mood and g33kiness of the crowd you’re in, however, there are infinite combinations of ways to entertain yourselves. And if no one gets the concept or it’s just not working out right, pull the keg right up to the couch and fire up the Wii. Get some exercise d*mmit.

Rumor has it that Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

So I found the coolest Facebook application today. It is “The Daily Chuck Norris fact” application which serves up a single fact about all things Chuck-tastic, every day. There is also a way to “view another fact” and spend your day being completely flabbergasted at the awesomeness of one of the universe’s ultimate Texas Rangers – Chuck Norris.

So, I skipped out of work last Friday to see just how well it could be done and I was not disappointed. I had a blast watching the new Transformers movie. At times, there is so much going on, it’s hard to follow. Of course, it had all the cheesy Michael Bay-isms – the music, the government techno-war machine cliche’s and massive amounts of Apple and GM product placement – however, all that aside, in my humble opinion, it TOTALLY rocked. Of course, having the voice of the original Optimus Prime just makes it so much better. Shia LaBeouf is a great, scatterbrain teenage hero and Megan Fox is, indeed, a mega fox… and who is the Australian hottie. Daaaang… ka-ching!

All-in-all, it was raucous, outrageous, big, violent, nostalgic, quirky, cheesy and fun to watch. I highly recommend it to anyone who can leave all of their ego/anti-Michael Bay/cynicism/american-hatery/film snobbery at the door. Just see the movie and have some fun, d*mmit.

Yeah, that’s right, you heard me correctly, my Jetta killed Humpty Dumpty. And it did it on purpose. Yep, my Jetta is a bad mutha f*cka.

Okay, I’m lying, sort of. I really don’t have a physical Jetta… and to be truthful, I don’t have a virtual one either. Not anymore that is. Ya see, I wrecked it. Four times. What can I say? Sometimes, “S*fe Happens”.

It all started like this. Last week, a friend of mine, to protect her privacy we will call her “L”, got into a fender bender. Thankfully she was okay, not a big deal. A few days later, while searching for a new car, she checked out VW’s site and found something kind of cool. It’s a section of the VW site where you can configure and crash a VW Jetta. You pick your ideal car with paint job, interior with all the trimmings, and then, in four fun/bizarre/crazy scenarios, you get to see video of it crashing into Godzilla’s foot and knocking Humpty Dumpty off of his brick wall. Even if your not buying a car, it makes it worth at least 20 minutes of monkeying around. To say it’s a cool concept is like yelling “fire” on the sun.

“L” also clued me into the Comparitron, where you can do a cool little interactive side-by-side comparison of a Jetta vs. a Toyota Celica, a Beetle vs. a Mini Cooper and Rabbit vs. a Honda Civic. Push the compare button and see the animated goodness of a VW’s interior workings expelled like a 12 pack of Milwaukee’s Best at a frat party. Toga, toga, toga!

In one paragraph, Derek writes:

Maybe it was a mistake for me to tell this story. I don’t think it makes me look good. It probably will hurt me financially. And it’s certainly embarrassing. But my professional career is based on inspiring community participation online. I can’t do that again if it looks like I just leave on a whim.

One interesting thing about the post that I didn’t realize… issues 1-6 are gone from the archives! Community based content has been hidden/erased from existence. Bad form JPG. Bad form indeed.

Today I learned that JPG Magazine has officially gone “Charlie Foxtrot”. It’s founding members had been put in a position where they had no choice but to bug out of a unreasonable situation. Derek Powazek, one of the founding members of JPG Magazine (also Fray, now on haitus), posted his exit statement and clued the rest of us into what was really going on. His wife Heather posted her statement also a good read, although not quite as detailed as Derek’s.

Interestingly enough, 8020 Publishing, the corp. behind JPG, released their own statement to answer some of the hate, er, emails they’ve been getting. Ironically, it’s preceded by a post last February regailing the bright future ahead. Web magazines are the future, it says, and I can’t help but think that a new model of magazine would look, to any analog magazine publisher, like a big, fat, stinky pile of free money, with the cherry (or rather, corn kernal) on top being a large, user-based content generating machine to keep it running.

There is a ton of activity in the aftermath of these posts, which spread around the internet like a cat on fire in an ammo dump. The Flickr community is not happy and many of Flickr’s best and brightest have bugged out. Elvis has indeed left the building. As a result, email and forum strings broke out all over the place and I happened to be a part of an interesting string of emails with a few co-workers and friends, almost all (formerly) JPG account holders. Here’s how it went:

Matt: Derek Powazek posts about why he is no longer involved with JPG Magazine. This irritates me. http://powazek.com/posts/534

Me: That sucks. Once again greed and power have ruined a great success story. The magazine will probably still do okay but it shows that once you get people involved who want to “organize” things and make it official with fancy job titles and all that crapola, everything can go downhill real quick.

Dan: I guess this is where we hope that by getting the real story out there will lead to a small revolt in the community and things will get fixed. I’m not holding my breath though.

Paul: Totally sucks. I think this post will go down in history as an example of how the community-driven mindset (or cluetrain manifesto) clashed with “the man”—and the man won.

Pete: I thought it was to teach us never to trust web developers that are named Paul? I went in and deleted my account this morning. That’ll show ‘em.

Rusty: Looks like you’re not the only one. The page count at http://www.jpgmag.com/photos was at 10015 the first time I saw it this morning, and is now at 9979. Not a mass exodus as such, but I’d be curious to know what the count was before this information came to light.

Dan: Who wants to start GIF Magazine? We can get those prism-plastic things to do the animated ones.

Paul: Sweet idea. While we’re at it, how about PNG Magazine?

Matt: Jump straight to JPG2000. Better compression, alpha, and it has 2000 in the name. We can’t lose.

Rusty: Sounds good. Oh and by the way, I’ll be the CEO. Don’t worry, guys, it
won’t mean anything on a day-to-day basis… Do you think that JPnG 2000 Mag would be too obvious a ripoff?

Me: Check this out… http://www.flickr.com/groups/ideletedmyjpgaccount/pool/

Paul: I’m in… er, out.

Since this morning, almost all of us and others we know, have deleted our JPG accounts and will no longer be sharing images for publication with the magazine (not that any of us were ever really published, but it’s the thought that counts, right?!). Not that we would be advocating anyone to do the same, but I guess we felt like it was just the right thing to do.

It’s a shame really. Such a fantastic, user driven idea, mucked up and tainted by it’s own popularity. Of course, in the business world, this is not uncommon. This kind of thing happens all the time. Someone comes up with a great idea that can’t lose. They do it based on the love of exploring and creating new and great things. The idea takes off, a vast community of users is established and the idea is ultimately picked up by people who have their own vision for the idea. They grab a hold of it and before you know it, the original idea people are driven out of an out-of-control scenario that, for all their best efforts, cannot be fixed. There is one fantastic example of this phenomenon which ultimately had some seriously bitchin results for the computer industry, and of course the Mac g33ks of the world. The summary in Wikipedia puts it this way:

After losing a power struggle with Apple’s board of directors in 1985, Jobs founded NeXT, a computer platform development company specializing in the higher education and business markets. NeXT’s subsequent 1997 buyout by Apple brought Jobs back to the company he co-founded, and he has served as its chief executive officer since his return.

The good news is, Derek and his wife are now free to come up with other great, community driven ideas and they can revel in the fact that users from all over the net are rallying to their cause. After it’s all said and done, it may not effect JPG very much in the long run. However, the message has been sent and will continue to gain momentum over the next few weeks/months. It’ll be interesting to see where it goes. All we can say is, it was fun while it lasted and best of luck to Derek and Heather.